Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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