Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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