That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
