every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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