Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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