I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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