so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i drank out of a bidet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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