If i could tip my vagina, i would.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
