so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
