I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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