I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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