so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
