I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
