The maid of honor just puked.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
