i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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