If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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