I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
