Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
two words: eviction party
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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