She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
