Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
tell me about the fingering
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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