I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
