I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
