Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
