There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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