Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize