I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize