I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
