Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
