just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
