I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
