I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
