i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Randomize
