He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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