So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
