you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
