I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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