guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this boner is exhausting
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize