addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
