i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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