One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
