I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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