He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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