Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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