The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
