Sponge bath it is.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
