i just had sex bonerless
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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