My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize