apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
