I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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