The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
