arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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