Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
