took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Rumble strips road head = magical
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
