So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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