All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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