I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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