I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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