Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
