what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
