pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
