How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
