Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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