mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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