Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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