sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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