Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
