She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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