Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
