i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
jump out the window naked night went bad
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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