Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
