watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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