Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
