I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
a search helicopter?!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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