Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
