Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
