Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
