I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
