So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I didn't notice because vodka
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
