Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
