I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize