This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
