Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i will never coherently bang her
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
