FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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