She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
