well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
