I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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