Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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