I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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