My Higher Power is John Stamos
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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